The Onion has purchased Alex Jones’s Infowars out of bankruptcy [unlocked article via Nextdraft]. This is hilarious.

Most importantly, they did it with the blessing of the Sandy Hook families, who have spent years working to hold Alex Jones to account for the spreading of his terrible conspiracy theories. InfoWars repeatedly alleged various false details about the school shooting, claiming that it was a “false flag” operation staged with “crisis actors,” in which no children were actually killed. Jones’s lies led to his listeners and fans harassing the family members of the children and teachers who were killed.

Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO, in an op-ed for The Onion:

Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society — values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.

No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.

Make no mistake: This is a coup for our company and a well-deserved victory for multinational elites the world over.

What’s next for InfoWars remains a live issue. The excess funds initially allocated for the purchase will be reinvested into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories.

Best satire on the planet. SNL should take notes.